The Interstices
An Angry, Aging Cold Warrior, Stops to Smell the Roses, and Commune with God in a tiny city, named after Latter Day Saints. Even though, I have NO idea, what "Later Day Saints" are!
I feel it here, back on American soil. An area with some piety remaining. I know precious little about the Mormon faith. Have had Catholic and Baptist friends and relatives tell me they are a cult. And yet, is that not true of all our religions?
Have always been deferential to people of Faith, despite the spiritual aspect being a bit shunted by my logical, analytical mind. And yet, I see my Wife’s face light up every Sunday, and the reverence she holds for the Majesty, that is all we do not know. Fully understand why people pray, and often worry about those who believe everything in life is just a mathematical algorithm. As, I once did.
The cars here are pretty modest. The houses nice, big and functional. Lots of bedrooms, for lots of kids! The Mormon teenage boys are forbidden any sex, as well as the girls. They marry, pretty desperate for it! That’s brilliant! Been a disciplined Man, all of my life. I like this abstinence. Again, I know zero about the Mormon faith, and I realize I might be admiring things I know little about. But viscerally, it resonates.
Lived in Thailand a bit, spent much time in Japan when I worked for Sony. Know nothing about Buddhism, but I appreciate a man needed to wear long pants, long sleeved shirt, and remove his shoes in the Temples. Do I believe any of it? Well, I know one thing, the mathematical odds we were formed by chance is a number so infinitesimal, it almost proves Creationism. So, let them pray in any fashion that offers comfort.
Tereza handed me her movie/TV show USB drive before I left, with ten episodes of an old Polish TV series called “Decalog.” It was made and aired before she was born! Just as with Christine, Tereza lights up when she attends Orthodox Churches with us. Despite her beauty, youth and obvious well to do, Hussite upbringing, she enjoys the prostrations and the Liturgy. Have come to know her very well, but it is nice to see the very poised and gorgeous women of my life, humble themselves to a Power, above ours. I think of Judaism, with these beastly people trying to trick their God, Yaweh, or even kill Him!
Been arguing again, with a few folks who are convinced Race is unimportant in a civilization. And yet, even beyond obvious intelligence differences, proclivity for violence, Race even affects how people respond to, the Unknown. Races pray differently. Some are arrogant and Hubristic, others, bestowed with so much (White genetics is a gift), lack this arrogance. It is good for Nobility to kneel. I think our ancestors were so coupled to Nature, which after all, is just a set of rules our God instilled in the world. Used to try to use “math” as a boy, to explain the principles of the world we inhabit. Entropy. Newtonian mechanics. But all failed when we get to the formation of our spinning globe, and the 10 to the billionth power other spinning globes. How could everything, come from Nothing? There could never be Nothing, nor could there ever be everything. No math explains it.
Odd post for me. I grow tired of my own writing and subject matter! 10:30 PM, in this very cold Northern Utah hotel room. Turned the heat off, opened the window, stared at the mountains until the light died. Stays light here quite late. Dad used to encourage me to notice small things. Pattern recognition.
Long flight from Frankfurt to Chicago on my journey from Bulgaria, and I watched Episode 1 of Decalog, from Tereza’s prized collection. It has hit me hard. No real idea why. I keep thinking, these lives in 1988, still Communist Poland, could have been me. Trapped in some brutalist, Soviet block apartment complex, and I guess I fear The West is hurtling towards this. I enjoy the thematic exploration. “Men of Science” vs the “Women of Grace.” I enjoy the differences of gender, of Race. I do not suffer the psychosis of Leftists, always trying to make us the same.
I had a dream last week, that I would like Utah! We did a short stay in Colorado Springs many years ago, but I like this area much more! Mormons seem quirky to me. Holding on to something, in the face of society collapsing all around them. Human Cycles. I like quirky.
Been up many, many hours now. finally time for sleep. Midnight. Tomorrow I will smile, shake hands, share my vision for the hyper-growth of a pretty cool company, with smart, Conservative, accomplished men. Who can go deep on the technical and business front, but also retain the awe, the deference, when confronted with how they got there.
Modern “entertainment” is so crass. So dark, ugly, and so jewish. From modern music to woke movies and TV, it is pure shite. Grateful for those ancestors who rode through the darkness, holding a horn, filled with fire, no matter how cold it might be, in those Wasatch Mountains.
Like my recent reactions to Brasov, Romania, and just as some people have a beautiful aura that emanates from them, my instinct says, “Northern Utah is good for the family.” Did not expect this, glad they insisted I visit! CEO was very clear, “I do not hire remote workers.” I like that as well. I am sure I could be an OK Zoom CMO, but I bet I will be much better with real human interaction. Miss having an office to go to. Fucking Convid.
My life has not been “easy,” but the only hard things have been volitionally placed there. Didn’t have to take the harder path, I wanted to. When I was checking out a local gym earlier, parked the rental car in the absolute furthest spot in the large lot. Long, cold walk! This used to really annoy Christine when we first married. Back when she wore heels, and would get all dressed up, and Commander Asshole parked a half mile away! But now, as we glide through life, healthy, strong, she is glad I did. I do look UP, when I realize how much she has meant to me. I worked hard for her, her smiles meant a lot.
Forget which of the Eagles sang the song that had these lyrics: "Pride And Competition Cannot Fill These Empty Arms." Many of my hard charging, former collegues, wound up divorced. All the hours I worked at Apple and Dell, could have left me in similar fashion. But, she knew I loved her, she did not require 24/7 entertainment, and the truth is, I did it for her. It’s shallow, but she wanted to show her parents we could build a giant house near them, in their fancy neighborhood. It would be pretty cool to buy a nice house here, move in my two wives, and our three kids (one in the oven)! Most guys my age are empty nesters. I like the pitter patter of little feet, the clomping of Tereza’s 4 year old boy! We can stop back in Nevada, and get my dogs back! And a jaguar!
I’m getting a bit tired of hating. Sure, “Hate” gets a bad rap! And it is biologically adaptive. And, Hell, living back in The States, would allow me to re-own a nice armory, in case the “Hate” returns. It will!
Really thinking it will be quite a face off between Varna, Bulgaria, and tiny town, Northern Utah. Options are good.
Blessed. Happy. Bonne nuit SubStackians!
Northern Utah is pretty great!
Thank you buddy, I like your heartwarming writings…Bonne journée